Foggy mind

Recently I feel my brain is full of fog. I have been experiencing a lot of weird and bad dreams that don’t quite make it to nightmare status but keep me up all the same.

I feel like I have it together but then it seems perhaps I am not quite acknowledging how I am really feeling.

My Mum went into hospital for the last time this time last year. After years of having cancer it finally dawned on me exactly a year ago that perhaps she wouldn’t make it. It is a concept that perhaps I haven’t truely come to terms with yet.

I have suppressed a lot for a little while now, I thought maybe I was getting over it or moving on and to a degree I have moved forward. I don’t spend nights crying so much I can’t breath anymore. I am generally happy with my life and I can honestly say that. There is just this feeling of acceptance that I am yet to accomplish and I wonder if I ever really will accept the situation as it is.

I find myself being angry at things that shouldn’t make me that angry recently. I have come to realise I still have a lot of personal development to strive for and if I don’t get cracking on it I may hurt people I don’t intend to hurt and even worse, I may lose them.

I feel like I just need a holiday to be honest but that’s just my flight instinct at play. I know whilst some time to unwind would really do me good it isn’t the ultimate answer.

For now being in tune with the situation and understanding that I have to be mindful of how I deal with it moving forward is the priority.

I hope to figure it out soon.