Faith and “The Universe”

When I was 17 I became aware of a certain presence in my life that has directed my path and all that I have experienced. Some people call it fate, some call it God, I tend to use “the universe” when describing it which, in my mind tries to encompasses both concepts.

I grew up believing in God and I think I still do. I pray, mostly to ask for things to be better or for guidance to get through tough times. At times I express gratitude too but that all becomes weird when I ask myself if I am speaking to God or “the universe”, because if it is “the universe”, expressing gratitude or asking for things doesn’t make a lot of sense, the universe isn’t exactly a personified entity… but God can be.

Having faith is something I both love and struggle with because my faith is not profound enough to be all that gets me through like it does for some people I know, but it does help a fair bit when I’m struggling.

I am completely obsessed with watching documentaries about space and time because they give me a sense that there is so much more to existence and we are all just the tiniest of specs in the vastness that is our universe. It can make problems feel insignificant and it can allow happiness to come without guilt.

Up and until recently I was happy to put my life in the hands of the universe or God or fate but then I made a choice to leave and go and pursue my dream of living in Thailand which turned into me having to make so many more choices that I don’t regret but wonder if I should have made sooner.

Has relying on “the universe” actually hurt me in the long run? I really don’t want to believe it has because it has given me so much in the past 33 years of my life, but what now?

I do enjoy looking back on all the times my life has magically found a way to get back on track after turmoil. I’d be here forever if I were to list all those times so I will save it for another post.

For now I’ll just sit tight try and have faith and enjoy the rest of the Christmas break. Let’s see what happens from there.