A great start to 2021

I was asked a couple of days ago if I still wanted to get married and for the first time in my life the answer wasn’t an immediate yes. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a no either, I think I have just reached a point in my life where it’s no longer a goal and it never should have been.

It helps that my Dad has almost discouraged it, he reckons I am better off focusing on my career and travels (mostly career) than trying to find a partner. He says too many people end up divorced despite most of the married couples we have in our family are in fact not divorced.

It’s kind of funny, before Mum died she had all of the wedding photos as the centre piece in our family home and there was a clear spot intended for my wedding photo to be featured. One of the first things my Dad did was swap the wedding photos with all of his daughter’s graduation photos, it became quite clear the difference between my Mum and my Dad and what they valued the most when it came to being proud of their children.

My Mum always wanted me to be married with kids and I for the majority of my adult life was so hell bent on this idea that I very nearly married Jake and would have rendered myself unhappy for the rest of my life. I hate to say it but with this pressure gone it’s been a lot easier to start considering an alternative version of what life could look like and I love that my Dad is on board with not pressuring me to be married and have kids. Frankly I think he feels he has enough grandchildren so I am off the hook.

I’m sure, or at least I really hope that my Mum would understand and still be proud of me if it turns out that I don’t end up following the status quo. I still might, it’s just undecided yet.

I have now reached a point in my life where finally, FINALLY I am happy without a partner. I spent my whole adult life in relationships. After Jake, I was so lost not having a partner by my side and it’s taken a while to get to this point of independence. In saying that (and ironically) I am seeing someone at the moment, it’s only been a month and a half so still early days but it has promise and I am not letting it absorb me. I am at my most independent state right now, I feel the most self assured than I have ever felt and it feels amazing.

I look back at my teenage and early adult years and I wish I could tell that girl what I know now. Life has dealt me some serious blows but every time things have come crashing down it has opened up a new perspective and opportunity. This experience has given me so much faith that for as long as we are alive and open hearted things will always work out.

I am so proud of what I have achieved since coming back from my trip in 2019. It has now been almost two months since I quit my job and started living on my savings and I have had the time of my life. I have woken up when I want, engaged in all the social activities that I want, whenever I want and taken time out for myself every time I have needed it. I have a month left of this freedom then I do have to enter back to the rat race, hopefully to something that will fullfil me career wise.

I feel calm and collected. I’m not completely and perfectly at peace (I don’t know if complete peace can really be achieved unless you’re a monk), there have been some bumps but I have developed a way to handle them so that each bump doesn’t come in the way of my confidence or happiness. I am in a very good place right now.

Since starting this blog I have grown so much and I love that I have a way of seeing that, I am so glad I engaged in such an effective way to understand myself and honestly recommend this form of therapy and self evaluation to everyone, especially those going through a tough time.

As I write this entry I am sitting in the sun with my cup of coffee. I woke up a couple hours ago to my own body clock and have a few hours to spare before I meet a friend in the city. It’s Monday and I feel so blessed.

It’s been a great start to 2021.