Challenge at hand

I can now see how and why people purposely bury themselves in their work.

Since taking this role, my work load has at least tripled, I don’t have much time to think about anything else but my next immediate task during the day. I don’t know if it’s a good thing long term but it works for me right now.

I am the type of person who becomes so absorbed in my own mind and my imagination that if left alone with nothing else important to do, I will drive myself into a spiral of all kinds of thoughts and feelings. Given the year I have just had, it’s a good thing I have been given the gift of distraction.

I love being busy but I don’t naturally have a tendency to find things to do myself. If I am left to my own devises you will either find me sleeping or at the beach, or both. If not either of those things, you will find me indulging in some kind of guilty pleasure TV series like Suits or even worse, The Bachelor. Point being, I don’t typically want to or choose to be busy but when I am, I thrive.

It is a good feeling knowing you can do something meaningful well but it is difficult when your complete worth (work wise) is entirely based on the performance of others. It certainly makes things interesting and it is a huge challenge, which is clearly what I need right now.

Someone told me this new role was a “good stepping stone” in my career, but I don’t see it as a step, it really has always been the end goal, one I already reached in 2018 at my last job before I went overseas. I do not see myself purposely advancing beyond a position where I am leading a small team and I know that saying that in itself is going to hold me back career wise but I have seen other women in roles above mine (at previous companies) and they had to give up far more than I am willing to, to get where they were.

When I was 21 years old I dreamt of having a corporate job, where I got to wear a suit and hold a folder. I used to walk down Castlereagh St in the CBD and longingly look through the windows of Louis Vuitton and Guess and all I ever wanted was to be the power woman who walked around being a boss, holding a designer folder, wearing a designer suit and walking in designer heels and saying I “made it”. Some where in the last decade I stopped wanting that.

I could revert back and attempt to achieve that goal, but I just don’t think it’s me anymore. A lot of people who know me now would have never guessed that was ever me. The issue is I don’t know what is actually “me” right now. What kind of career path would actually suit who I am?

It could be in charity work but that isn’t as easy as just working for a charity organisation or starting my own. I considered volunteering which I have done in the past but it isn’t exactly a path that leads to a sustainable income. I have considered going overseas and working at an orphanage or building homes for less fortunate communities but so many organisations around the world have made this type of volunteer work a tourist type “adventure” scheme and it costs more money to be a part of than is justified, not to mention the visa drama that is involved.

I don’t know where my future career lies but for now I am happy to be engaged in the challenge at hand, which is simply to rebuild a team who has been more or less neglected in the last twelve months and lead them to a hopefully successful year in sales.

I’ll take that for now.